Fewest Points Win
An alternative way of playing Fantasy Football
Nobody really likes to hear about someone else’s Fantasy Football team. Every conversation is incredibly inane and the lack of any real tension involved makes the entire affair totally tedious.
When someone proclaims that of course player X scored while he was on their bench, it is a really bizarre example of the world being against someone, and when they nail a triple captaincy for a midfielder who goes on to score a hat trick, who else but that person could be so clairvoyant?
What really stings with these conversations is that the fallacy of Fantasy Football in the Premier League world is that the system they use means the two people in that conversation can be competing against each other while also having the exact same players and can make the exact same decisions.
There is a draft version of the famous internet game which removes this aspect of it, but there are still the dull conversations about good luck and bad luck.
This isn’t to dismiss the element of skill from the game entirely, but it’s simply far too low stakes to really factor that into analysing how the average person plays this extremely popular game.
But comparing those who challenge for the very top prize and those who compete against their work-mates is like comparing someone playing in the Premier League with someone’s five-a-side match.
Which is why this newsletter isn’t about how I, ever the genius, picked through all the noise to assemble the greatest collection of players ever seen in Fantasy Football.
No, instead I want to highlight the alternative version of the game set up by local sandwich enthusiast Tom Victor.
The rules, as stated by Victor, are simple.
1. You need to spend the full 100 budget
2. No mid-season transfer changes. Your team is your team from GW1-GW38.
3. The team to earn the fewest points is the winner.
So, to properly introduce this format to you, I will go through my thinking process for a team I most certainly won’t look at again, ever.
Goalkeepers
So, with 100 to spend, the key for me is to look at the big players at the big clubs. My first choice was Bernd Leno as it’s been reported Arsenal are looking at a replacement. However, well… I’ll get to Arsenal later.
So, Adrian at Liverpool for 4.5m is a solid looking second choice, ironically because he is apparently now third choice at Liverpool going into the season. David de Gea for 5.0 is my next pick, hedging my bets that Ole Gunnar Solskjaer will stick with Dean Henderson.
Defenders
As I was saying earlier: Arsenal. They have two defenders not expected to play at all this season. That’s guaranteed zero points every week. Said Kolasinac and William Saliba are both out the door for this season and for 4.5 each, I’ll be having some of that.
I’ve also gone with Serge Aurier. Nuno Espírito Santo has joined Tottenham and surely he’ll favour Matt Doherty over the Frenchman, given their history? For 5.0, I’ll take the risk.
The team needs some high budget defenders to ensure the 100.0 budget is reached. For that, I’ve risked Andreas Christensen and Marcos Alonso. Both got decent game time last season, but Chelsea have better options as starters so hopefully these two just don’t play all that often. They take up 5.0 and 5.5 respectively.
Midfielders
Midfield is the weirdest part of the entire game. Players like Mo Salah and Raheem Sterling are not midfielders, but because they play out wide instead of through the middle they are characterised as midfielders in the game.
To spend the entire budget, I’ve got to go big with one of the more expensive players. Sterling is the go-to pick here at 11.0. The Englishman has had a great Euros, but he fell out of favour at Manchester City last season and perhaps that’ll continue into 21/22.
Going back to Chelsea, Hakim Ziyech for 7.5 seems like another decent pick. The Moroccan has been linked with a move away from Stamford Bridge, and even if he does stay there are two or three players seemingly ahead of him in the pecking order.
Jesse Lingard for 7.0 is a gamble. The 28-year old was a sensation for West Ham last season, but there has been no movement whatsoever on that deal being made permanent and he got zero playing time at Manchester United last season. This could easily backfire with so much of the window left, but I was struggling to fill out the budget.
The Everton pair of James Rodriguez and Gylfi Sigurdsson will now be managed by Rafa Benitez and I have a suspicion we might not see a huge amount of either player this season. That and they are both worth 7.0 each, so beggars can’t be choosers.
Forwards
There is 26.5 left in the budget for three players. Fortunately, there are some high priced forwards that I don’t expect much from this season.
This is where we come back to Arsenal. Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang for 10.0 after the season he just had seems like the most obvious high-priced pick out there.
Two other poor performing strikers at big clubs last season were Gabriel Jesus and Anthony Martial. Man City eventually stopped playing a no. 9 entirely in favour of playing the Brazilian. Meanwhile, Martial was dropped in favour of a 34-year old Edinson Cavani.
Their costs of 8.5 and 8.0 brings the team up to the 100.0 budget and with that, there is my attempt at this fun twist on Fantasy Football.
If only I could pick more than three players on one team, then I’d have way more Arsenal players involved.
And yes, I know the Premier League doesn’t start for another five weeks but it’s Friday and I wanted something to write about.
If you too want to play, you can do so by clicking here.
